"With the quality and convenience of DVD, plus widescreen televisions that boast images as crisp as a freshly minted dollar bill, air conditioning alone isn't enough to drive today's consumers to their local googolplexes. For the first time in decades, the movies have to be watchable, too, which is presenting Hollywood with its most formidable challenge since it tried to turn Gretchen Mol into the next big thing. Armed with the only materials necessary to make important movie-going decisions—plot synopses and occasionally trailers—the A.V. Club film staff has assembled this helpful guide to which spectacles must be seen among the text-messaging teens, and which ones might be better appreciated on the La-Z-Boy six months later."
Highlight:
Delta Farce
What it's about: A trio of dumb-ass National Guardsmen (Larry The Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, and DJ Qualls) headed to Iraq are accidentally dropped in Mexico, which they mistake for a war zone. Such a quagmire might seem hopeless, but if anyone can engineer a desirable outcome in such a trying situation (or "Git-R-Done," as it were), it would of course be Qualls. And to a lesser extent, Larry The Cable Guy.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: The primal charisma and raw animal sexuality of Qualls, Engvall, and The Cable Guy can only be appreciated fully on the big screen. IMAX would be ideal, but the lesser screens at the local multiplex will have to do.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: Do you really want to be seen in public shelling out for a movie starring Larry The Cable Guy? We didn't think so.
Possible special feature: Actual MRI footage conclusively showing audience members losing brain mass as they watch the film.
Complete Article at theavclub.com.
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