This can't be good.

My mind has been all kinds of screwy lately. I've been way too honest with people, but that always been kind of a hallmark with me, so I can't really call that a symptom of anything. I have been especially needy and that really bothers me. I find myself telling people the kind of truths best saved for a diary (the paper kind you genuinely don't want others to see) in order to elicit a reaction and I'm settling for pity.

What the fuck, man?

I don't think I'm doing it consciously. Someone says something that prompts a response and I respond. It's just that my responses have been a little too revealing for my taste. The people in the showtunes chat rooom don't need to know that I have a worse track record than Shirley Devore.

What bothers me the most is that I'm recognizing behavior patterns from when I was in college. That's what I meant by the title of this post. I'm not friends with anyone I knew in college, by mutual decision on all sides. (I double-majored in Playwriting and Brooding) Granted, the friends I made in (no, that's not redundant, shut up) college were pretty fucking lousy but they were the only friends I had at the time and I needed them. Just as much as I need people now (and it don't feel so fuckin' lucky, Mr. Merrill). But I don't know how to need someone. I mean, the only time it's really acceptable to actually tell someone you need him is when you're physically impaired. But to be that emotionally naked and honest with another human being... how the fuck do you do that and then face that person the next day?

In the words of Amish Barbara Cook, "This is all very new to me."